|From:||Agent Pica||To:||Mr. Whiskers||Date:||4 January 2015|
|Subject:||Quarterly Report: January 2015|
Please clarify whether you expect me to cover this entire station on my own. Will I be getting a new partner? I’m asking because I’m only one cat and there were two of us covering this place, before. With the death of Agent Trouble, I am alone now and, while I am following the directive to get close to the humans, the male scares me and the female is getting irritated at my attempts to learn more about their plans.
I’m clumsy about it, but that area was the one where Agent Trouble excelled. My own skills are rusty. I was never as good at it as Agent Trouble was. I fear that I will be letting headquarters down if I persist to the point where the female becomes so irritated with me that she sends me to interrogation. She has a new device that she has been using on me. She sprays something on my back and hindquarters. I know I have been having issues with dry skin, but that punishment seems harsh. It scares me and she continues to do it despite my protests.
I have to admit, though that the itching seems to be less after she does that, but I still don’t like it. it stings when she does it. I don’t understand why she is doing it. I suspect that my clumsy attempts to get closer to her are at fault. I would appreciate it if headquarters could send a replacement agent as soon as possible. Failing that, could I get tips on how to schmooze a human?
Other than the above, I have only to report that the humans have left me alone several times since they took Agent Trouble to the Rainbow Bridge. They were gone just before they took Agent Trouble. When they returned, they erected the tree in the house again, as Agent Trouble predicted before her final illness.
They have also been giving me nip on a regular basis. Both have spent time around this place. The female didn’t power up the magic box that she uses for ‘work’ as I expected her to do. She talked about something called a ‘vacation until next year’. I do not understand that. The male has been speaking of Florida, which is the place Agents Storm and Luna went. I suspect he is planning a trip there, from the things he says. Agents Storm and Luna do keep in touch, which is nice, even though Agent Trouble didn’t think so.
Please advise whether I will be getting a new partner or if you expect me to do the work of two agents. In the meantime, I will do my best to cover all the observation areas in this place. I realize that we have had budget cuts, but there is a real need for another agent at this location.
Michigan Humane Society: Somebody here needs you.