From: Agent Mulder
To: Mr. Whiskers
Date: 3 February 2019
Subject: First Report of 2019
Something came up in the latter half of the previous year. The humans brought in cardboard toys. I do not believe the toys were for our pleasure. For one thing, the humans did not let us into them. They started putting things in them. I got a bad feeling the humans are about to move dens. I could not be sure they planned to take us with them. I began investigating the toys, and determined they were filling with their odd possessions and their body coverings. This concerned me. I decided we needed to run a surveillance on this activity. I called my colleagues to a meeting and we set up a full watch on this situation.
The humans seemed excited. They talked of something called a ‘pool’. I had no idea what this ‘pool’ might be. I resolved to do my best to determine what this thing is and get information about it to headquarters. It may be a new form of torture for felines, although we haven’t suffered at the hands of these humans. It has been my belief these humans were ordered to hold us. I will investigate that theory to prove or disapprove it. I will provide my conclusions once I make a determinnation. I will learn what I can and report what I find out.
My clowder will continue to report as best as we can. I remember the last den move took a while and we were incarcerated in one of the moving boxes human use to get around. I hope that isn’t the case this time. We will report when we can.
The den move went easily much to our relief. We did have some problems, I’ll detail more on that in my next report.
The conference that introduced us to Agent Molly went extremely well. She is a lovely feline, if somewhat shy. There were some hissing but that was because we were not allowed to have any face to face contact. This was a drawback, but we soon figured a way to pass information without the humans being aware. Agent Molly was not only locked in another room, she was confined to a cage — a move I find particularly atrocious.
Still, we did well enough to get information to her. I do not believe the humans suspected a thing. We ensured that hissing and screaming was constant. They didn’t realize it was all put on for their benefit. We sent Agent Molly coded messages in our hissing and she replied in the same way. At night, while the humans slept, we were able to dispense with the hissing code. We all understood each other. The conference when on and we were able to learn what we needed to do. I believe the conference was a complete success.