|From:||Agent Molly||To:||Mr. Whiskers at HQ||Date:||2 July 2017|
I am reporting that I am back where I was stationed. I did spend some time incarcerated, but not questioned. I do not know why I was back in prison, but I was. Strange humans fed me and took care of my litter box needs. I do not know what the purpose of this was, but it wasn’t long before I was bundled into the small cell and returned to my station. I have examined it carefully and can see no sign of any changes. My incarceration remains a mystery.
Not long after I was brought back here, they took down the false tree. Things were normal for a very long time. Then, they gave me several dishes of food and a large bowl of water. Then they left me alone for two darks. They returned and began barking. I’m not sure why they were barking. I do know a little canine, but the human’s barks didn’t seem to mean anything. The female put a blanket under her head that raised her up. The male slept in the chair in the room with the larger moving picture box.
That lasted for about seven darks. I don’t know why they did that. I will say that the female stopped her morning stretches while she was barking. She has since started them again. Thing have returned to normal. I believe, from what I could overhear, they had something that they called a cold. They didn’t sound as though this cold was something that they wanted, so I am not certain why they got it.
Would it be possible for me to get a partner?
|From:||Mr. Whiskers||To:||All agents||Date:||2 April 2017|
Agent Probie, while your desire to assist Agent Skittlebutt is admirable, you need to let him do his job. He has been certified as able to perform his duties without any assistance. Please do your own work and leave Agent Skittlebutt to do his. Agent Mulder is directed to present himself for psychological examination. All agents must have this examination to stay active in the field. We wish Agent Mulder to take the first exam because he is showing signs of depression and needs to be brought out of it.
Agent Molly is directed to find out why she was incarcerated and to determine just what a cold is and why the humans in her station were barking. This could indicate that they are planning an alliance with the canines, which is something that we must scotch before it begins.
Agent Cuddlebug is up for a medal for his efforts to arbitrate the dispute between Agents Probie and Skittlebutt. Unfortunately, we must deny his request for retirement. His work is too valuable for us to lose it. We will, however, lighten his workload, as there are enough agents to carry the extra without undue stress.
All agents are hereby directed to work together as a team, where there are more than one agent. Agent Molly’s request for a partner is denied due to budget constraints. Her location is small and one cat can handle it.
Michigan Humane Society: Somebody here needs you.