FFL: May 2014 Mission Report

From: Agent Trouble To: Mr. Whiskers Date: 4 May 2014
Subject: Monthly Mission Report

I was seen doing my morning run this morning by the human. Since I am incarcerated inside, I am forced to run laps from room to room. This is not easy as there is no clear round of space for me to run. At least I make the effort. Agent Pica spends most of her time sleeping. this is contrary to Regulation 7.85 section 4.87, which states “all agents must maintain their bodies in a state of full readiness for any action that may be required of that agent.” Agent Pica is in violation of this regulation. She is not exercising. I am making the effort even though the humans laugh at my efforts. I believe that I’m physically fit, which is more than I can say for Agent Pica, who also scoffs at my attempts at a workout.

I try to run every day. I know that a healthy agent is a good agent. Therefore, I do what I can to keep fit. I don’t eat to excess and I don’t eat too fast, as some agents do right before they throw it up again. That is what Agent Pica does, which cannot be good for her. I have repeatedly told her about the regulations stipulations on health, but she ignores me. She doesn’t move enough. She needs to become more active, as I am.

I hide my activity from the humans as much as I can, as I don’t think it is in my best interest to evince much interest in my health. I think they want us to be as unhealthy as possible as they are not that active either. I must admit that lately the human female is doing more active work. The other day, she got out an object that made a lot of noise. She moved it around the floor. I confess the noise hurt my ears so I left the room. When I came back, bits of fur that had been clinging to the soft floor were gone. So were some of the crumbs that were on the hard floor. I do not pretend to know the purpose of this device, but it seems to pick things up off the floor. I will try to remain in the room the next time the human brings it out, but I will state again that it hurts my ears.

 

From: Agent Pica To: Mr. Whiskers Date: 4 May 2014
Subject: Monthly Mission Report

Agent Trouble does not exercise every day. She does it once in a very great while. I do not eat fast; I simply have a sensitive stomach that sometimes doesn’t like the food. Agent Trouble is most unkind to point out that I am fat. I am not. I have long hair, which makes me look fat. I wish to point out that the regulations state that agents should exercise regularly. Maybe I am not completely compliant with that directive, but neither is she. If she puts me on report for not exercising, then I wish to put HER on report for the same.

There are creatures in the wall of the small litter box room. They were especially noisy and the human female banged on the sliding wall that covers the large space where we can get fresh water. the creatures, stopped making the noise. I believe they are our enemies the raccoons. I think they are enemies of the humans in this place as well. they certainly don’t like them in the walls. I think we should make overtures with an eye to an alliance against the raccoon. This is only a suggestion, as I know we shouldn’t fraternize. I only wondered if that would not be desirable.

Michigan Humane Society: Somebody here needs you.

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About

I am not one who is comfortable talking about myself but here goes. I enjoy writing, family history, and reading. I decided to do this blog because I wanted to try something new. I decided to make it a weekly blog because I wasn't sure that I could keep up with a daily one, and monthly seemed like I was writing a magazine. I think I did ok with my choices. You'll notice that there are not a lot of graphics on my site. That's because there are graphics plastered everywhere on the Internet and those sites sometimes take forever to load. This blog is a place where you can kick back, relax and be ready to be amused. At least I hope I willbamuse you. This blog is on a variety of subjects from my ficitional cat agency, the FFL, which is monthly, to instructional blogs to editorials, which are my opinions only. I admit that I don't know everything and could be wrong -- I frequently am. Now, stop reading about me and read what I have to say!

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Posted in Feline Freedom League Report

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