From: Agent Pica To: Mr. Whiskers at HQ
Date: 24 January 2011
I do not know why, but I was chosen for the subject of an Indignity by our captors. I was cuddling up to the female jailer in an effort to gain intelligence when she refused to put me down. I was surprised, but not alarmed as she stood holding me in the front observation room. Then a stranger came in, I fought valiantly to escape but my female jailor held me in a position so that the stranger could view my tail section. All right, so I gnawed some hair off back there, it itched. The hair is growing back. There was no reason for them to subject me to that Indignity! Agent Trouble was no help whatsoever, she just sat on the observation tower and laughed. She had already rebuffed the male jailor when he went to pick her up. I would like to place her on report for not assisting me when the Indignity was perpetrated.
I really feel that she is not a team player and would like to request a team mate who will behave as a team mate. I further request that she be given a formal reprimand to go into her Permanent File at headquarters. I would like a copy of that reprimand for my files as well as her inaction caused me great mental stress.
From: Agent Trouble To: Mr. Whiskers at HQ
Date: 24 January 2011
Subject: Pica’s Indignity
I have no idea what Agent Pica wanted me to do. As far as I could tell, they were only discussing her hair loss and whether the hair was actually growing back. I think she was lucky not to have been taken for supreme interrogation. If she had not gnawed off the hair around her tail, she would never have been subjected to the Indignity. If you should, for some reason, decide to reprimand me for my inability to render any assistance, I must point out that giving her a copy of said reprimand would be in violation of Regulation 1082, section 15, paragraph 8, which reads in part, “No feline may infringe upon the privacy of another feline by viewing his or her private files or deliberately observing him or her in the execution of his or her litter box sessions without express written permission.” I hereby state that I do not give my permission for her to have such a copy and request that she remember in future to observe the regulations regarding personal hygiene and, thus, avoid any future Indignities.