Feline Freedom League Special Report June 2010

Report Date: 20 June 2010                    Agent: Trouble

I did not desert my post in the larger litter box room. I could see the device that caused the noise, but had no reason to leave my post. I was unaware of the charges made by Agent Luna until I received notice to make this report. I am not a coward. I did not leave my post where I could see the cause of the noise, but supposed that my colleagues in the front whom I thought positioned better for observation would document its activities. Agent Luna has always been jealous of my fine powers of observation and is just trying to make trouble for me. I categorically deny the allegations that I am a coward. Agents Pica and Storm were in a position to assist her, if she even needed it. I was not. Agent Pica has often left her post in the room where the female jailor sleeps, but I rarely leave my post. I resent the accusation and must lodge a formal protest that I was even involved in this nonsense.

As for my failure to report the device, as I have stated above, I thought Agents Storm and Luna were better positioned to describe its activity. All I saw was a strange male walking beside the metal beast and guiding it into the front of the prison. It remained in the front, making its racket for nearly forty-five minutes. I then saw the male guiding it back to the road. He appeared to have trouble getting the beast to return to its carrier. The strange male appeared to ask the female jailor to come and help him, because she went out to the road and pushed the beast from behind, while the male was guiding or perhaps pulling it from the front. That is the full extent of what I saw.

Report Date: 20 June 2010                    Agent: Pica

I didn’t see anything. I certainly heard it. It was alarming, but I didn’t feel threatened. Agent Storm ran back to the small room with the litter box and asked me if I was all right. I wasn’t sure why I shouldn’t be, since the racket was at the front of the prison and apparently nowhere near where my station. I noticed that he never went to check on Agent Trouble. She was in the larger litter box room where she spends a lot of her time. She has been very crabby since Agents Storm and Luna arrived. I am not sure what she was expecting there. Whatever it was, she apparently didn’t get it.

To get back to that day, I didn’t see what made the noise and I didn’t know that Agent Luna felt threatened by it until the female jailer brought her back to the back of the prison, away from the noise. I do know that noise can be extremely painful, so perhaps that was Agent Luna’s real problem. She was probably in a great deal of pain and that can disorient you. I believe that Agent Storm came back to the back of the prison after the noise started, but I can’t be sure as I was wondering more about what was causing the sounds. While I did not find them threatening, I also considered it prudent to not go investigating, especially since Agent Storm and Agent Luna were already supposed to be in position to see the noisy thing.

Report Date: 20 June 2010                    Agent: Storm

I am not a coward. I only left the front area of the prison to see if my colleagues in the back were all right and if they needed anything. Agent Luna has always picked on me and this is just another attempt to get at me. I do not know why she is so against me. You can ask Agents Mulder and Smudge how Agent Luna continually harangued me. She did the same with them. She assumed leadership although she didn’t have the rank to do so. She believes that seniority counts, even though I am more senior than she is. Agent Trouble and Agent Pica have both seen the way that she treats me. These females are victimizing me. Would it be so hard to replace Agent Luna with another, male, agent? It would make things easier for us all if there was another male to help me watch the jailors.

I have never been derelict in my duty and only left my position because I needed to ensure the safety of my colleagues. Agent Luna was fine when I left her to go to the back of the prison. The noise was not that loud nor as painful as she has reported. Agent Luna has always exaggerated. She is always making up to the jailors. I suspect her of collaborating with them to get the best food for her own use. I wish to make the counter claim that she is a collaborator and a traitor to felinekind. I believe that she is aware of my suspicions and offer that as her reason for smearing my reputation.

Report Date: 20 June 2010                    Agent: Luna

I am no collaborator. I only cuddle up to the jailers in an attempt to get information. Agent Pica also tries to cuddle for information and no one is accusing her of collaboration. While this method does not always net me any information, it has on occasion caused great irritation to them. Is this not our mission? To annoy the jailers and do our best to escape the prison in which we find ourselves. It has always been my intent to learn as much as I can about our jailers in order to determine the best way to free all of our brethren in captivity and ourselves from the prisons that hold us. I am usually fearless in my endeavors to attain freedom, but I recognize that I may require the assistance of my fellow prisoners.

This assistance is not always forthcoming. Agent Trouble spends most of her time in the larger litter box room, pouting. Agent Pica, steeped in depression by her incarceration, is not much use. She may learn to look past the appearance of impossibility and see the possibilities, but I doubt it. Agent Storm is too much of a coward. It’s more than one cat can stand. If these agents are all I have to work with, then it’s no surprise that I have, as yet, not discovered a way to escape this prison. I will continue to work on finding the ideal escape route, but without competent help, I don’t expect that to occur anytime soon.

Report Date: 21 June 2010                    Agent: Princess, Feline Criminal Investigation Services

I was not received well by Agent Storm. Agent Luna seems friendly enough. Agent Pica is cautious, but then she should be. Agent Trouble was openly hostile. She stated that she was not a coward and if others couldn’t handle a little noise that was no concern of hers. I got the impression that she would prefer that she were the only agent in place here. None of them know as yet that I am with the FCIS. I prefer to keep that quiet for a while. That way, I can learn more about the situation without any undue influence by the members of this team. My initial impression is that this team is completely dysfunctional. I will likely have more to report later.

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